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chaoswolfOK. I've had it. I've had enough! I don't give a fucking damn any longer. I swear to the 7 gods that all they want to do is see me to hell and show me the door. I give a damn about those I love, but this has gone on long enough! Emmy's been whining ever since Connie left. I've been mildly depressed for like 4 seconds after I got off of Skype with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
asahoshi until I started gaming with Mayhem. When she left, I got depressed again. When Emmy came downstairs during the tail end of the episode Without A Trace, she started whining. I didn't say anything at first. When Emmy continued whining at Mom, I got pissed off. I told them both to shut the fuck up so I could watch the show. I was not amused. I was pissed off at my mother for snapping at my sister and my sister for snapping at my mom, pissed off at both of them for disrupting the show! DAMNIT!!!!!!! Mom gets pissed off, breaks into tears and leaves. Then mdlbear comes outside into the living room, and bitches at me for snapping at Mom. Mom believes me to be disrespectful. I admit, I may have over-reacted, but I seriously wanted to watch the show. I seriously regret my actions as of just now, and I wish I never have to go through this. Unfortunatly, I don't know what I can do about it. I seriously don't.....and now I seemed to have backed myself into a corner that I am not sure I can get out of. Depression hit me kind of hard. I feel that my life is just one big mistake. Certian parts of it seem to be the patch I need in order to make my life work. asahoshi is one of those patches. Most of my life is a mistake. I have made one of the biggest errors in my life.....and now I regret it.
asahoshi until I started gaming with Mayhem. When she left, I got depressed again. When Emmy came downstairs during the tail end of the episode Without A Trace, she started whining. I didn't say anything at first. When Emmy continued whining at Mom, I got pissed off. I told them both to shut the fuck up so I could watch the show. I was not amused. I was pissed off at my mother for snapping at my sister and my sister for snapping at my mom, pissed off at both of them for disrupting the show! DAMNIT!!!!!!! Mom gets pissed off, breaks into tears and leaves. Then mdlbear comes outside into the living room, and bitches at me for snapping at Mom. Mom believes me to be disrespectful. I admit, I may have over-reacted, but I seriously wanted to watch the show. I seriously regret my actions as of just now, and I wish I never have to go through this. Unfortunatly, I don't know what I can do about it. I seriously don't.....and now I seemed to have backed myself into a corner that I am not sure I can get out of. Depression hit me kind of hard. I feel that my life is just one big mistake. Certian parts of it seem to be the patch I need in order to make my life work. asahoshi is one of those patches. Most of my life is a mistake. I have made one of the biggest errors in my life.....and now I regret it.
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i have some answers.
Date: 2004-12-12 11:40 pm (UTC)you DO need to get away from Emmy.. and seperately you both need SERIOUS therapy... ( i have other various opinions about this i will discuss this later)
i hate drugs.. but they are making my life better.. it is possible to handle it..
have you noticed i have been a bit more stable lately? it isnt the anti depressant doing it.. the addition of a mood stabilizer is what did that..
i suspect you are somewhat bi-polar from all the back and forth from mira and asahoshi, as well as what i have seen.
you are either on top of the world or buried under it, much the same as i am.. and neither of them is a true emotion. this tends to be bi-polar behavior, ( think me, and synthia,) who by the way has been formally diagnosed with bi-polar, so has teressa..
i kind of suspect you may also have borderline personality disorder, but i would have to ask you a lot of very specific ?'s to tell you.
another commonality we both share is the need to do for others, think about this, if you even think you have free time, you go to a con meeting and volunteer for something.. you overwork and overstress yourself.. learn to delegate more, listen when you body sends you signals to slow down and rest, thet tends to perpetuate depression as well, cause you are always tired and not at your best, i think a lot more people will be less "down on you" as you say, if you learn when to stop and let somone else help you too.
you tend to lose yourself in your girlfriends.. they love and care for you for who you are, not always who you are when you try to lose yourself in them.. (borderline personality disorder)
just relax, and remember, you will live another day, and the people who really love you will still be there too.