Why is life the way it is?

[chaoswolf]

Honestly? Could someone tell me? It seems that I can't do anything right around here anymore....I can't maintain my self control, I seem to be unable to ask politely, I seem to be unable to restrain myself when I am on the verge of killing my sister, and now mdlbear is yelling @ my sister because I seem to have made a mess of things.

I've been asked to cook dinner tomorrow. I was watching The Patriot when Emmy starts cleaning her desk & making lots of noise. I try to be as polite as possible at first by turning my head in her general direction and asking her to close the door because I don't need to hear her cleaning her desk & I'm trying to watch the movie. This doesn't work, and a screaming match results. After a few more seconds, I snap & pick up a plastic bottle, throwing it at her. According to her, I left a bruise. I doubt I threw it that hard, but she won't fucking listen to anything that anyone says. This is why screaming matches are so common around her. This is why the Gamers have nearly voted her off the fucking island. This is why 90% of the time I never want to game with her anywhere near us.

The 6.5 year age gap doesn't help anyone either. If she were just a little bit closer to my age & more understanding, I probably wouldn't be as much of a bitch towards her. Seeing as how life is such a cruel thing, I highly doubt that I will ever be able to handle her, much less get along with her. I've tried to be nice. I've tried not laying a hand on her. I've tried leaving the room when she's turning into a royal pain in the ass. Nothing that I have tried seems to help. I feel so dead, so uncontrolled..............

If I can't have life at least make an attempt to be nice to me, then why should I have life at all? What can be done that will heal the wound left by my sister who never listens to anyone, including our own parents? Why must life always have a negative effect on us kids that makes us so hard to control? Why isn't life ever simple? Am I grounded? Am I dead? Am I in Hell? Where am I? Why does this look so familiar like a scene I've shot so many times in the movie called Another day in the life of chaoswolf? Why is this so routine? Why is the age gap always a major impactor on siblings hating each other? Why does the age gap have to play a role in sibling rivalry? Why does there have to be another cause to add to depression? Why isn't there a simple answer to life? Why can't 42 just heal the wound and cause the age gap to disappear? Why isn't there an easy way to control oneself? What should I do if I have no self control? Why is it that psychiatrists/psychologists prescribe drugs for low impulse control? Why isn't there ever a way to make life behave itself? Supposing the world doesn't revolve around you, but it seems to revolve around someone you're ready to kill, what then? How can I avoid killing this sibling who never listens to anyone? How can things exist peacfully between us if all we seem to want to do is rip each other's throats out? Why can't I can't seem to make this go away, no matter what I try? Is this just some horrible nightmare I have to wake up from? Why can't I seem to ever wake up from this nightmare of terror? Why do I get the feeling that one day I will do something to my sister that will land me in jail? Why isn't there ever a simple answer to everything? Why do I always feel so depressed after I do something that gets me yelled at? Why can't I create an atmosphere in which there isn't any of this sibling rivalry or idiocy or anything on the part of either sibling? What is missing that causes the two of us to hate eachother so much? How much more of this can I take? How will I know when I've gone over the edge? Will this cycle of madness end? Will there ever be a way to deal with this without my having to kill her?

Comments

[mdlbear]

What Emmy told me is that, when someone yells at her, this is her signal to ignore them. The more you yell, the less likely she is to do what you want.

This is wrong, of course. I tried once again to tell her that when someone is yelling it's a sign that she wasn't listening to what they said before they started yelling, but of course I was yelling by that time so I doubt that it registered.

You see the problem, of course.

The way to deal with it is to withdraw from the situation, no matter how tempting it is to continue the shouting match. Otherwise people will get hurt, and that would be bad.

why?

[aerowolf.livejournal.com]

Because.

I think there's probably some very deep, /extremely/ unresolved issue that needs to be located and addressed. I don't know what it is, and I don't think it's my place to even really say this much. But I'll make a general observation:

Very, very few people truly see themselves as evil, or bad, or doing anything other than the "Right Thing". This causes problems when they fail to take into account other peoples' issues, other peoples' needs, other peoples' desires. This generally creates a situation where the person who feels slighted doesn't listen, and thus the other people stop listening.

*hugs* Things will work out. But they'll take work to work out. Depends... do you want to put the effort in to get a decent relationship with your sister? Does she want to put the effort in? Is it worth it, to her, to put the effort in?

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

Sibling friction sucks. I know, having been the youngest of 5. I'm not calling it sibling rivalry, because it isn't always that. The basic problem is that you're living with people you didn't choose to live with and you recognize that you should allow for their basic humanity and love them, but by Ghu the wall is paper-thin and why is she filing her nails in the way that makes it impossible for me to concentrate??

In other words: I've been there, if not exactly with your history or psychological make-up.

Oh, and my immediate family member who still drives me nuts with the way she uses an Emory board is my mother. Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Anthony Wolf figured out a way to help parents get active enjoyment out of patience with children's tantrums. I don't know if this'll help you when you get into fights with your sister, but it's helped me as a parent. (And, believe me, the humiliation of getting in a power struggle with your sister is nothing compared to the humiliation of parents in a power struggle with children.) Think of the other person's inappropriate habits as the reflection of her or his Baby Self, which feeds on attention. Every time you respond to the Baby Self with any attention, the Baby Self is happy. Every time you deal with Baby Self calmly, without emotions, you're starving the Baby Self. It's extraordinarily helpful to my patience to keep this thought running through my head, while I'm calm on the outside: "Whoo-hoo! I'm starving (her/his) Baby Self! Yee-haw! I'm starving the Baby Self. Yep. Starving..." It's quite enjoyable, even if it sounds crazy.

(Feel free to ignore this if it doesn't fit your situation, and please accept my apologies if I've already said this in another comment—LJ won't let me search comments, even the ones I've written, as far as I can tell.)

same Bat time, same Bat channel

[dopple.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking you don't have enough reesus peanutbutter cups in your lefe.

Siblings are designed for forced evolution, as a rule, and there's no getting around the rivalries. Even the best behaved ones that seem to love each other go at each other hammer and nail when the situation calls for it. Same genes do not equal same minds. Still, there is common ground and stuf can be built from there.

By the by, on the offchance the universe actually does revolve around her, killing her would be bad.

Siblings

[roaringmouse.livejournal.com]

Emmy knows how to push your buttons. If you talk or yell at her, she ignores you because she KNOWS that you will get more angry. Turn the volumne up or get headphones, then you will not be bothered by the noise. You can also think reverse pyschology.. Emmy is making noise so someone will feel sorry for her and help her out or do the whole thing. She doesn't like to do CHORES... Who does.. But it has to be done. Violence never helps.. Just don't let your sister push your buttons. Read ahead in your stress management class.. You might find some coping mechanisms. Good Luck...

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

So, if she ignors you, she gets to push you into being 'the bad guy'? What a neat trick!

What can I say....

[asahoshi.livejournal.com]

siblings suck. That's all there is to it. Younger sisters have no other perpose than to make our lives hell. But there is something we can do! Make their lives hell.

I know that doesn't help the situation, but I have a younger sister. I know what it's like. I sucks fucking ass.

Re: What can I say....

[chaoswolf]

You've met my sister. What can I do to make her life hell? I haven't done a good job of it so far.

Re: What can I say....

[asahoshi.livejournal.com]

True.