Random stuff to say

[chaoswolf]

• First off: my first comment is that I have a keyboard now for my palm. Wireless is great technology.


• Secondly: I don't have to deal with another final until sometime in June, I think.

I've just been hiding out & doing stuff. I'm currently watching CSI reruns, and it seems that when I did a check of the DVDs we have recieved from our uncle...we're 2 DVDs short of having the full 32 disc set. I will have to talk to Uncle Phil & try to acquire the other 2 DVDs unless he didn't manage to record them....Watched CSI: Miami until about 4am or so. Didn't get up till Mom yelled at me to get up.

Been working with people, primarily Mayhem & asahoshi. Both of them are my girlfriends & I love them dearly. But one thing in common: They both seem to get depressed when under stress or intense pressure. It seems a bit difficult for me to do anything in order to ease the jelosey of one or the other, as both have never seen each other and only seen me. I haven't taken the time to send pictures of either girl to the other, so it's a bit hard. Since they are both on similar anti-depressant medication, they seem to always get depressed when I mention the other. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it, but there's got to be something I can do. I'm not entirely sure what, but I'll do something.

Anyways, I'm going to go back to CSI now & deal with everything else later.

Comments

Depression...

[aerowolf.livejournal.com]

Ah, Chaos, here's something I know about all too well... so lemme give you a word of advice, if you'll maybe listen?

A lot of folk are programmed by this monogamy-centric society. (Even if you don't have sex, emotional intimacy is much the same -- especially for ladies.) Depression under stress/pressure is very common -- all the Gods know that I get the same. So... when they get depressed when you mention the other, it's very likely that they're getting stressed out over each other.

"Is she cuter/sexier/whatever than I am? Does she like her other girlfriend more than me? What does her other girlfriend give her that I can't? Is she holding herself back from me? What do they do, that we don't do?" Fear, suspicion, resentment, anguish, envy, anger, jealousy, depression.

The simplest option is to let them meet each other. However, this needs to be choreographed fairly carefully -- you need to talk to both of them, honestly, and help them feel safe about talking about the subject with you. And a lot of what they're going to say is most likely going to hurt -- hurt enough that you're going to want to get defensive. This is not the time to be defensive, though. This is not the time to block their concerns out, or to stop listening, or to tell them that their concerns are unfounded.

They probably block out, even from themselves, what makes them feel depressed about 'this looming specter of the Other One'. And, well, you probably haven't exactly made it easier on them. They need to meet each other, they need to see each other, and they need to realize the reasons that you love both of them -- most monogamy-centric folk can't wrap their heads around the idea that you truly /can/ love more than one person. To not give them the chance to see how you got to that point is... a grave disservice to them.

(They probably also need reassurance that you're not going to stop loving one just because you love the other. They're dealing with their hormones and other such issues, and let's face it -- being monogamous with someone who isn't monogamous is difficult, emotionally. Recognizing why this is, as well as how it's difficult for them, makes it much easier to address.)

*snugs* Relationships ain't easy, kiddo. They take a lot of work. Often, that work is difficult, undesirable, and exhausting. but the rewards can be worth it.

[asahoshi.livejournal.com]

I'm not monogamous, as you well know. But the two relationships I tried to have with more than one person failed miserably. The first one, she brought someone into our relationship, and he didn't have any respect for the existing relationship and completely tore it apart. The second one, I was brought into a relationship, but she didn't like it, so I was kind of booted out.

Here, once again I was brought into an existing relationship. Of course, if I had known that, I probably wouldn't have done come in at the time. But I'm glad I did.

The only thing I'm worried about being booted out again. It seems like everything I try to do that involves other people, besides friendship, alway fails. I lost you once because of my stupidity, and I don't want to lose you again because someone else doesn't want you to love me.

That's all I'm worried about.

[wolfshighpriest.livejournal.com]

*insert voice of little-Chaos as the blunt, cynical, selfish, scornful bastard*
I don't know about Mayhem, but with her exception, I'm the only one who's being "monagamous" with someone who isn't. I've rather wanted to talk to Mayhem for a long time, though I've done nothing about it.
I don't understand what makes either of you think that it's fair to split yourself that way between people . . . personally, that's not something I could or would do to anyone. I can't understand, I suppose, but I have to live with it, so that's what I shall do. It's not as if I don't get depressed occasionally - it hurts me the same as anyone else. I've not seen any examples of this working happily, and at the moment I'm not convinced it can.

[chaoswolf]

Chaos, my young padawan. There is still much about polyamory that you have yet to learn, but for the moment I understand the road you're walking.

As in regards to Anarchy, we are still maintaining our love for each other because we're fairly confident we will meet again. I have had my doubts during my cynical/bored/depressed/pissed phase, but even though I am now currently on drugs (Vicodin, amoxocylin, Ibuprophen), I am still maintaining that vision.

As for Mayhem, I can give you her e-mail addy upon request.

[wolfshighpriest.livejournal.com]

grrrrrrr . . .
*ponders whether to ask for Mayhem's email*