So....

[chaoswolf]

If I am not allowed to do anything stupid, and I'm not allowed to be depressed, and I'm not allowed to try demanding answers from my ex, what am I allowed to do?

I am so fucking confused right now. I can't make heads or tails of my life....and right now I could use some help putting my life back together. Feelings for mira_fastfire have started to resurface after last weekend, and I'm currently confused by Mayhem & falconoflight as to where my relationships will go.

To make matters worse, I'm having a nasty allergic reaction to wellbutrin, and I'm going to get treated tomorrow, hopefully. Failing this...grr.

Comments

You're allowed to be depressed

[capplor.livejournal.com]

It probably is not wise to let yourself be ***DEPRESSED***

Other than punctuation? It's the difference between being unhappy about your current situation and being majorly mentally ill, unable to function, and not believing that things can ever get better. You have reasons to be unhappy, and they are valid reasons. However you have no reasons (and I have doubts on whether there are ever any real reasons) to assume things won't get better eventually, somehow, or that there is nothing that can bring you pleasure at the moment. That doesn't necessarilly mean getting back together with person A, B, or C. It means maybe finding someone else, or maybe someTHING else, that makes you enjoy your life. There's a whole world out there, after all.

Re: You're allowed to be depressed

[kshandra]

It means maybe finding someone else, or maybe someTHING else, that makes you enjoy your life.

Note the emphasis on "someTHING else" there, Katy. Because otherwise you'll just fall into the same pattern again - meet someone new, start shaping your life around zir, and if (or more likely when) something happens to separate you and this new person, you're going to wind up in this same pit of despair all over again. And that's a lousy (and dare I say stupid) way to live your life. And I'm biting my own tail by calling it stupid...because I did it myself for years. No longer. Ultimately, the only person who can - or should - be responsible for my happiness is me.

[kshandra]

You're allowed to keep living. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep being an individual human being who has all the requisite parts to do all of that without requiring someone else.

It's been 13 months since dafydd and I broke up, almost to the day. And I'm saying this where he'll likely see it, and where your f'list will witness it, because I'm sure he knows it already without me saying anything. I still love him...still miss him...still want him in my life. I think about him every day, worrying about whether or not he's happy, fret over him getting sick.... And how often do you actually see me talking about it? Rarely, if at all. Because I have a life that doesn't involve him. I have to keep the bills paid (whether by actually working, or by sending out resumes and contacting agencies to find my next job). I have other relationships to maintain...including my relationship with myself.

I was at yohannon's not long after the breakup last year, and I was telling him how I can't help but feel that the Universe isn't done with David and me. Yohannon just looked at me and said "Well, duh." And I want so badly to take that feeling and hold it close and give it a home - and I CAN'T, because if I do that I won't do any of the things I need to do...or if I do, it won't be for the right reasons. I need to get healthy for MY sake, not just for the sake of the relationship. And I've already blown this once.... The night of the breakup, David offered me a tentative "date" after my planned relationship sabbatical, so we could sit down and see where things stand. Did he mean it? Most likely - I've never known him to make empty promises. But I'd wager that he's not willing to do it any longer, simply because I put too much energy into looking forward to that day ("taking the thought for the deed," if you will) when that energy should have been used working on getting my life in order - getting back into therapy, getting my medications straightened out (and being 100% compliant with them again), going back to school...whatever shape a whole, healthy life turns out to be in my case.

I have to live for ME. Not David, not gridlore, not my mother...me. And you need to live for YOU. Because otherwise you're not living. You're just existing.

[amelia-seyroon.livejournal.com]

Well, being depressed, doing stupid things and demanding answers are not the right things to do.

Heh, and here I am already having relationship issues of my own, with just one girl.

Personally, I think that maybe you should consider taking a break from relationships for a while. Get away from all these people in your life, it might do you some good, and get your life back on track. Focus on other things for now. Like for me, work and school are my first and foremost important priorities.

Remember, you're still young. Don't let yourself be blinded by bad relationships left and right. Stay clear and think about your future.