Ye godz....bleah.

[chaoswolf]

I feel terrible. I felt good all morning. Up until about 1505 when I woke up from my nap (on Nick's mathbook). Cell phone went off with a call from asahoshi. Talked to her for a few minutes, and she sounded depressed. When the conversation was comming to a close, she said "I love you" and I wasn't able to find anything to say in response. I swear, I don't know if the relationship as lovers will last much longer. I did send an email after she got offline. Wasn't very happy about the email because of the context mentioned. Abridged version is that the relationship isn't going to work out very well because we're in a long distance and devoid of all physical contact except for when we are at cons or each other's places. I don't see how it will work, but it doesn't mean we can't be friends.

It hurt to do that. It really did. I'm sorry.

Comments

[kitabare.livejournal.com]

I know your already feeling bad so I'm going to try to not make you feel any worse. I don't know if I can do that given my current state of mind and affairs as well as not knowing your situation any more than you post here.

There is no reason a long distance relationship can't work. The only way it won't work is if the two people plan on keeping it a long distance relationship. However, if it's only s'posed to be a long distance thing until they can move closer together, then they both just need to have strength until that can be accomplished (*glares at her long distance boyfriend because she can because he won't be reading this*).

If it helps any I'm going through somewhat the same thing. He almost wants to give up. We're not planning on being long distance for long, maybe just until the end of the year or so when we're both out of debt and can move in together. But the night before last I had to talk him out of ending the relationship. I'm used to having to be the strong one, but it's really hard when someone is fighting you.

All I know, is that in the end everything works out for the better. Or at least I keep telling myself that.

[chaoswolf]

I've tried keeping myself that strong. I fear that I will lose all faith before this moving closer together thing can be accomplished.

[kitabare.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm starting to learn how hard it can be to be strong. I don't know if you were on the filter I used when I posted about my problems... I was expecting me to be the one to lose faith first, I wasn't.

I guess the main thing is to know if you love someone. If you really love them, then you have to let that love be the foundation of your strength. You have to remind yourself that you love them and how you feel when you're actually together. You have to use that love to get the goals done that get you closer to not having to be apart.... that's what I used on him, and it worked. Maybe you can use it for yourself.

[chaoswolf]

*sigh* I'm not sure how well that's worked. Last time we met, she had Jason in her presence almost constantly. I guess I didn't feel much while I was up there....

[dragonkiri.livejournal.com]

*hug* I really do hope everything will work out for you, having empathized with you practically since we've friended each other. :) I know that I myself do not have as much strength as you do - I'm not closeminded, but I'm not secure enough to be involved with polyamory. If my boyfriend had someone else he could be with all the time, I'd have quietly stepped back a long time ago. ^^;

Good luck.

*more hugs*

[animekid.livejournal.com]

Looks like your friends already have given the insight I would have mentioned...(though they were much better than what I could offer).

Frankly...long distance relationships are hard x_x;;;
More so when, just as kitabare says, it's not quite a temporary thing for the long distance....

[dragonkiri.livejournal.com]

"Not quite temporary" is even more suckier when it's in the "two to three years" category. ;_; It took me roughly two months to stop randomly sobbing last year after his visit, and I get to see him for another month in the near future. (March, yay!) But after that we're both broke enough that I don't think we'll be able to see each other until he's out of university. Which will take at least two more years.

Long-distance is heart-rending sometimes. *sigh*

...uh, I hope you don't mind babble from someone you don't know. o_0;

[animekid.livejournal.com]

Not at all...
As it is insightful... =)

(Besides...I interestingly am approached with lots of random folks on AIM since they typically mistake me for someone else @_@;;;;; I stopped counting past 20)

[asahoshi.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I told you this, but when I got back after spending the week with you at your place, pretty much every night I cried because I missed you. I feel guilty about your visit up here during winter break. I'm sorry I didn't give you the attention I should have. If I could go back and change it, I would. I love you so much. I don't want this to end...

[chaoswolf]

I really am sorry. I did what I did because I am afraid I will damage my mental health if I didn't. I thought it would be in my best intrest to do it...and I am sorry.

I can only say it so many times in order for it to have meaning. If I don't call you back tonight, its because of my household obligations on Wed nights.

I am sorry.