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chaoswolfWhy does my life have to be so fucking complicated?
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asahoshi so quaintly put it, "I'm starting to think I just shouldn't get close to anyone. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about this shit. " The reason(s) why this quote seems to fit:
I am sorry about the way this reads. I really am. If you all think I'm suicidal by reading this, please don't take it that way. Emmy just overheard part of a conversation I didn't wish her to hear, and as a result she thinks that I've fucked up her life. No. In retrospect, if I ended the relationships I have right now withasahoshi and Mayhem, I might enter a state where I would never be able to feel love again.
It's just hard on me to be in constant contact via phone or Skype with one while the thought of Will I ever see her again taunting me on a daily basis and the other only being here on days when I can't have her overnight. I swear, I haven't gotten laid in so long....I don't remember if it brings bliss or pain. I still don't know if picking up a girl-toy other than the two I hardly see would help...I'm starting to get the impression that the quote says it all, that I shouldn't...because I don't want to run the risk of doing more injury than I already have.
Pain seems to be the only wavelength for me. I can't think on good days, because in the next 5 weeks of school: there won't be any. In the last 7 weeks of school, there haven't been any. Just one: October 30th. The night I got drunk....I seemed to be happy there. I seemed to forget about everything for a while. It helped, I think...but it didn't last. I had that buzz for mabey a few hours, but that was all. After that, I don't remember much. I am going to try my hand @ fencing tomorrow, and see if I can become a more active member of the club. Perhaps trying to impale people on a pointy stick might make me feel better, and I hope that it will.
Life is complicated in so many ways...but why the fuck does it have to be me?
As
asahoshi so quaintly put it, "I'm starting to think I just shouldn't get close to anyone. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about this shit. " The reason(s) why this quote seems to fit:- If I didn't care about people, would I still keep in contact with them?
- If I intended to end everything right here, right now, would this post have made it onto my LJ?
- If I really wanted to kill someone, don'tcha think I would've done it already?
I am sorry about the way this reads. I really am. If you all think I'm suicidal by reading this, please don't take it that way. Emmy just overheard part of a conversation I didn't wish her to hear, and as a result she thinks that I've fucked up her life. No. In retrospect, if I ended the relationships I have right now with
asahoshi and Mayhem, I might enter a state where I would never be able to feel love again.It's just hard on me to be in constant contact via phone or Skype with one while the thought of Will I ever see her again taunting me on a daily basis and the other only being here on days when I can't have her overnight. I swear, I haven't gotten laid in so long....I don't remember if it brings bliss or pain. I still don't know if picking up a girl-toy other than the two I hardly see would help...I'm starting to get the impression that the quote says it all, that I shouldn't...because I don't want to run the risk of doing more injury than I already have.
Pain seems to be the only wavelength for me. I can't think on good days, because in the next 5 weeks of school: there won't be any. In the last 7 weeks of school, there haven't been any. Just one: October 30th. The night I got drunk....I seemed to be happy there. I seemed to forget about everything for a while. It helped, I think...but it didn't last. I had that buzz for mabey a few hours, but that was all. After that, I don't remember much. I am going to try my hand @ fencing tomorrow, and see if I can become a more active member of the club. Perhaps trying to impale people on a pointy stick might make me feel better, and I hope that it will.
Life is complicated in so many ways...but why the fuck does it have to be me?
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Love takes work...
Date: 2004-11-02 10:48 pm (UTC)Re: Love takes work...
Date: 2004-11-03 07:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-03 11:25 am (UTC)