Damn you, asahoshi....

[chaoswolf]

If I wasn't so patient with you, I'd probably have ended it by now. Next time you pop online (for a few seconds) without telling me where you're going....I don't know what I'm going to do about it, but it will not be pretty. I'm getting really fucking tired of this shit.

Whenever you're on, I feel better, knowing that you still exist and that I still have a shot in hell seeing you again. When you're not on, I'm all depressed & shit because I'm pretty sure I don't have a shot in hell of seeing you again. It is starting to hurt, and this relationship has lasted 2.5 years already: to break this would kill me almost as much as my last breakup.

Suicidal isn't the right word. Devastated isn't either. Pissed? Frustrated? Depressed? Hopeless? Imagine a combination of the above. All of these seem to be telling my emotions right now, and I'm damned if I know what the fuck I'm going to do about it. E-mail doesn't convey the emotions I want it to, because it's flat & 2 dimensional. Phone calls...I couldn't start to explain my anger.

It's not fair, I know. I also know that life isn't fair either. In any case, this shit will end somehow. I don't care what way I have to end it, but if this continues....believe me it'll be over.

Comments

[aerowolf.livejournal.com]

Record an audio file, and send that via email? Not the first, or the third, or even the tenth draft... just send the one that sounds right, that conveys, with your voice and your emotion, what you're feeling?

Just an idea.

waht the fuck?!

[asahoshi.livejournal.com]

What the hell did I do? My dad was on, and I was just looking for something on my account. I don't think I did anything wrong. And you will see me this summer. I'm not fucking up again. And I'm not gonna let you get pissed at me for nothing.

Re: waht the fuck?!

[chaoswolf]

I apologize for the way that came off, Danica. I have days where I get into rant-mode where the smallest thing sets me off. Seeing you online = highlight of the day. When something comes up and you don't make it online, I at least would like to know about it in advance instead of having to call your place & get no response from parents.

The thing is: on days when I don't see either you or mayhem, I get depressed as hell. On days when you are on, I feel a bit better; same situation with Mayhem. On days when I only see Mayhem & find out through one of your other friends that you won't be home, that sets me off. I'm not mad at you, what I'm mad at is the fact that I find out about your a-wol activities through other people. Gomen-nasi, Danica-chan!