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Feb. 29th, 2004 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chaoswolfGuilt bites. Especially when you're not sure how that happened. I was having a nice, fun conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pnthrmgck, then somehow through my poking fun @ him, I get bitched at by his S/O, who is of the opinion I am trying to break up their family & a lier & so on. 1) I don't lie to people I care about. I care about pnthrmgck as a friend, but apparently said S/O thinks otherwise. 2) I would rather shoot myself in the head before I even consider breaking up a family. Playing Frogger on the Freeway is more fun than breaking up a family. I'm sorry if this part makes me sound suicidal, but it is true. 3) Whatever the context of that conversation that led to my getting bitched at, was purely in virtual reality which is not the same thing as actual reality. My personal opinion: if she truely cared about Matrix, she would honor the right of privacy, which includes not rummaging through her husband's ICQ or IM archives.
So, I get depressed again. Even though I finished my psych essay before 8am this morning, & pulled off a damned good filk that got my parents' attention, I am wracked with guilt about the fact that all I did was poke fun at a friend & get yelled at for it. Does this seem fair to any of you?
To add to said depression: I wait all day for my girlfriend Mayhem to show up. When she finally does, I'm flirtatios at the start, like the first half hour or so. Next I feel really sick to my stomach & go lie in my room for several hours.
When she finally leaves (which I wasn't happy about because I wanted to spend time with her), I go online to wait forasahoshi, who hadn't been online at all the night before due to that vampire game or whatever. She gets on for a few hours, then gets off.
Then the incident above (see chunk #1) happens afterasahoshi gets offline. This is where I become even more depressed & guilt-wridden for only poking fun @ someone, then having it come back & bite me in the nose by a privacy invading S/O. No offense to your lady, Matrix....but she doesn't respect your privacy worth smack when it comes to online conversations. I mean, she has the audacity to call me a bitch just for poking fun?
I promisedasahoshi I wouldn't touch the knives, wouldn't skip school in the morning & wouldn't play Frogger on the Freeway. Being depressed isn't fun, and I don't have a disorder that puts me into this state. My guess is that it's a high stres-level induced thing that when I crash, I fall hard.
Now that I've sufficiently (I hope) ranted & raved to my heart's content, I think I'm going to bed.
pnthrmgck, then somehow through my poking fun @ him, I get bitched at by his S/O, who is of the opinion I am trying to break up their family & a lier & so on. 1) I don't lie to people I care about. I care about pnthrmgck as a friend, but apparently said S/O thinks otherwise. 2) I would rather shoot myself in the head before I even consider breaking up a family. Playing Frogger on the Freeway is more fun than breaking up a family. I'm sorry if this part makes me sound suicidal, but it is true. 3) Whatever the context of that conversation that led to my getting bitched at, was purely in virtual reality which is not the same thing as actual reality. My personal opinion: if she truely cared about Matrix, she would honor the right of privacy, which includes not rummaging through her husband's ICQ or IM archives.So, I get depressed again. Even though I finished my psych essay before 8am this morning, & pulled off a damned good filk that got my parents' attention, I am wracked with guilt about the fact that all I did was poke fun at a friend & get yelled at for it. Does this seem fair to any of you?
To add to said depression: I wait all day for my girlfriend Mayhem to show up. When she finally does, I'm flirtatios at the start, like the first half hour or so. Next I feel really sick to my stomach & go lie in my room for several hours.
When she finally leaves (which I wasn't happy about because I wanted to spend time with her), I go online to wait for
asahoshi, who hadn't been online at all the night before due to that vampire game or whatever. She gets on for a few hours, then gets off.Then the incident above (see chunk #1) happens after
asahoshi gets offline. This is where I become even more depressed & guilt-wridden for only poking fun @ someone, then having it come back & bite me in the nose by a privacy invading S/O. No offense to your lady, Matrix....but she doesn't respect your privacy worth smack when it comes to online conversations. I mean, she has the audacity to call me a bitch just for poking fun? I promised
asahoshi I wouldn't touch the knives, wouldn't skip school in the morning & wouldn't play Frogger on the Freeway. Being depressed isn't fun, and I don't have a disorder that puts me into this state. My guess is that it's a high stres-level induced thing that when I crash, I fall hard.Now that I've sufficiently (I hope) ranted & raved to my heart's content, I think I'm going to bed.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-01 03:10 am (UTC)hope today is better
((hugs))
Date: 2004-03-01 06:59 am (UTC)As for depression, I'm not entirely convinced it's not a "disorder" -- I was depressed a lot in high school and college. The fact that it can be traced to a specific event doesn't necessarily mean there isn't a chemical component somewhere. On the gripping hand, a good night's sleep often helps.
Re: ((hugs))
Date: 2004-03-02 01:56 pm (UTC)Far as I'm concerned, it IS a disorder . . . but if I can survive, so can you, Master. Sounds like Anarchy's imitating my comments about the sharp things . . . not that I'd even mentioned them to her . . . *shrugs* I suppose we're doing that again. *hug* Remember I'm here for you too.