River: geeks, and mindsets.

[chaoswolf]

I've discovered that there's a specific mindset a geek gets into where they have a deadline, they must meet it no matter what the cost and they will damage themselves by purposefully throwing off their sleep cycle into something that those who wish to interact with him can't work around. I have realized selkit's new employers have stringent deadlines, and I understand that this whole "go see an immigration lawyer" thing was my idea, however that is no reason to blow off a conversation just for a nap that you couldn't take earlier..

Then, there's the flip-side where I realize I seem like I've been nagging him about that. I understand the fact that insomnia happens, and when it does that he tries to get some work done though it seems to me he is deliberately becoming a night owl and me having to dictate times I would like to be able to hold a decent conversation with the other side intellectually responsive with the potential of integrating a third person into intellectual discussion for the next 6 months' planning does not seem to me as being highly unreasonable.

When insomnia happens to me, he has no problem with me staying up late or wanting to sleep in. I seem to have a great big problem with him doing it when we say we have things to do. While we're together, we make plans for the subsequent day and I nag him constantly. While we're apart, I put my concern in such a worded fashion to him that it sounds like I'm nagging about it again. I place it merely as concern, but through a text terminal there isn't any way to tell what the other person is feeling emotionally. I seem like I've come so far in my progressions from a year ago, but can't seem to bring myself to not nag. This is a problem with me being a geek as well.

Is it just my imagination, or do all geeks think like this?

Comments

Define "geek"

[capplor.livejournal.com]

If someone claimed not to think like that, would you refuse to define them as geek?

For the most part, I'd recommend not nagging, but controling. Certainly I don't think it's unreasonable for a married couple to live in the same country, nor to aggressively take steps to make it happen. (Some of Fred's friends have been in exactly that situation, you know). However, if he isn't going to work on it for having other priorities, you need to take over everything possible if you want it to happen.

Business (immigration is a business) obligations are not real understanding of "I'm taking a nap now rather than meeting a deadline because I had insomnia last night" Both of you having a working mind is optional; if he wants to be a zombie, then he can be a zombie who meets whatever "be there" obligations exist and signs & ships papers per direction.

Re: Define "geek"

[chaoswolf]

The "Geek" mindset I describe here is remote employment not even in your own country and by the same time not having bedding due to the fact his washing machine ate his.

Complications I've noticed in trying to coordinate things involving planning from a 3rd party is that it just doesn't work if two of you are talking daily and the third is invited in during a chat conference or somesuch that they didn't know about. This is the problem here: Led and I and selkit would be talking tonight on skype, and I was trying to give the weezil the warning that it would happen. I think I got a nod of acknowledgement, but that's it.

[animekid.livejournal.com]

I have no right to pry into both your lives...
But I would have to side with selkit...sometimes one could be very tired and you have to deal with other things that you have to crash when you can find the moment. I just remember how my dad used to work two full-time jobs to support the family...and we could hardly bug him whenever he was home at all.

But in response to the question you pose...
I dunno...granted my viewpoint is usually off from most others typically...
I have been typically been a...if there is a job and it needs to be done...so shall it be...and occasionally I would do the whole self-damaging sort of stuff x_x;

[chaoswolf]

But is it right to damage the interactions of people who care about you by taking time when they are talking to you to go crawl off and sleep for a while?

In the event of accomplishing things, which is what I was trying to warn him about we'd be doing later tonight, I was hoping he'd be rested enough that he wouldn't need to bow out of the conversation to go nap or something.

[animekid.livejournal.com]

Needless to say this is not a simple matter and is quite complex.
To play devil's advocate...is it right to deprive someone of the sleep they so much need? Again to play devil's advocate...do you care for his physical well being?

I don't deny that communication is key in a relationship and you too are correct. What I am suggesting perhaps is...the timing may not be favorable right now...but that doesn't necessarily mean he is intentionally doing this to avoid you.

And it really depends on the work environment as well...
It is one thing when the person puts forth so much effort it hurts them...but there is also the expectations placed upon you by the uppers. One of my old jobs was lax under one management...then another came in and it was akin to slave work. I got burned out and could hardly do anything afterwards.

[chaoswolf]

Alright, ya got me. He needs his sleep, and I should know better. But when faced with the question "what time should I call you tomorrow" and when I answered "after 4", the part that I was going to not disrupt his sleep cycle was implied by that question. That is why I won't be calling at any time soon, because I'm baffled when he'll sleep or anything. I think if he wants interaction from me, he'll call me or Led (who is the 3rd party I mentioned in a previous comment) for planning stuff for the next 6 months. I'm hoping there's a way for the three of us to work something out today for planning the future.

[animekid.livejournal.com]

Again I also do say...communication plays a big part in relationships.
Indeed...life has many uncertainties...what he originally planned for after 4 -may- have been before some unforeseen things coming up.

And credit is due to you for putting into consideration why you want to call him after a certain time to avoid any interruptions. Whether he can realize or have the energy to see it that you put that consideration I cannot say.

But you make a good point...and this goes back to the communication thing. On his end, he should make an effort to call you (and since he has a better idea of what is going on with him, he can try to coordinate when he can call you).

As one (you) who is very familiar with long distance relationships...this is one of the many pains...whether by choice or not.

Again I have no right to say this as I have never been in a long distance relationship...much less been blessed(?) with a meaningful one.

But it definitely is hard and if it is there...you both can make it happen. Relationships are a two part deal...both must work to make things happen...one person alone cannot hold up the relationship.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Not all geeks think like that. I'm of the opinion that if my head's getting flat, I'm gonna call a manager and patiently explain why it ain't happening, and what I think we ought to do about it. And then go to *bed*, and if there is a long-suffering sweetie there, snuggle her.

But I am a Sysadm Geek, which means I'm a lazy so-and-so and a Type B Personality. I'm guessing that your beloved ... O HAI, he got a gig! Good! But as I was saying, I'm guessing your beloved is a Dev Geek, and, yes, Dev Geeks will tend - not always, but tend - to get hyperfocused on the problem at hand, to the exclusion of food, sleep, and even a beautiful woman draping herself over him and attempting to drag him to her boudoir. I do *not* get that.... but I've seen it happen, right up close. (not the boudoir part, but the draping... and she was cute, too!)

Does it sound like nagging to him, or to you? If you don't know, *ask*.

[chaoswolf]

I feel I have asked. I feel I have not been adequately answered. And it continues to be a problem. Drives me nuts. Nothing I seem to say or do seems to make any difference, when all I want to do is talk to him.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

In the real world, your financial and legal commitments need to take a very high priority, often higher than personal comfort.

I suggest that you schedule a conversation with your geek and insist on his full attention during it. Then hit him with a trout.

[chaoswolf]

Only problem with that is getting him to BayCon. Not going to happen anytime in the immediate future. I have scheduled a meeting with him, full attention demanded, and he is now listening to me on this note because of the afore-mentioned third party we're letting into the skype-chat.

[postrophe.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it be worse if sleep, left ignored at the gate, just bashed its way into your conversation (And layed your SigO down for the count) right in the middle?
I'm sure he also "would like to be able to hold a decent conversation ... intellectually responsive", but sometimes if you don't have a nap - In Soviet Russia, Nap Has You!

[evilgrins.livejournal.com]

not just geeks