To a point....

Love sucks. I wish...I wish....I---just can't take it anymore. I feel depressed. I feel---empty. A void that pierces my heart like betrayal. It's annoying. There's like...nothing I can do to make my life better except try to grin & bear it. If there was 2 things in all the world I wanted: Mayhem & asahoshi. Both I hardly see, one I hardly see outside of faires. The other I hardly see outside of conventions. Damnit, I feel depressed.

DAMN YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. I've had it. I've had enough! I don't give a fucking damn any longer. I swear to the 7 gods that all they want to do is see me to hell and show me the door. I give a damn about those I love, but this has gone on long enough! Emmy's been whining ever since Connie left. I've been mildly depressed for like 4 seconds after I got off of Skype with asahoshi until I started gaming with Mayhem. When she left, I got depressed again. When Emmy came downstairs during the tail end of the episode Without A Trace, she started whining. I didn't say anything at first. When Emmy continued whining at Mom, I got pissed off. I told them both to shut the fuck up so I could watch the show. I was not amused. I was pissed off at my mother for snapping at my sister and my sister for snapping at my mom, pissed off at both of them for disrupting the show! DAMNIT!!!!!!! Mom gets pissed off, breaks into tears and leaves. Then mdlbear comes outside into the living room, and bitches at me for snapping at Mom. Mom believes me to be disrespectful. I admit, I may have over-reacted, but I seriously wanted to watch the show. I seriously regret my actions as of just now, and I wish I never have to go through this. Unfortunatly, I don't know what I can do about it. I seriously don't.....and now I seemed to have backed myself into a corner that I am not sure I can get out of. Depression hit me kind of hard. I feel that my life is just one big mistake. Certian parts of it seem to be the patch I need in order to make my life work. asahoshi is one of those patches. Most of my life is a mistake. I have made one of the biggest errors in my life.....and now I regret it.