(no subject)

[chaoswolf]

Mixed emotions wrack my brain. I know somehow in my heart that I'm still feeling for falconoflight. I know that in order to fill that void, I need to move on. I know that I am feeling forkaradurzero and I am currently debating if another LDR (this time with grendies would be the right thing for me. I doubt it.

I still love Falcon. I wish we could have typical conversations about energy and such without feeling the detremental effects of discomfort whenever she's around. I wish I could say something or somehow show by my actions that I am not the creature I was when she dumped me. For whatever reason, she said things to grendies that he will not tell me because of the fact it may hurt. I've already been hurt by her enough, I've already felt the pain, and I am slowly moving on. I wish to know what she said to him, and I wish to know how I may somehow make it up to her.

I wish to know what it was I am still doing wrong to cause this discomfort. I wish to know why we cannot talk about school and such without having me in a state of discomfort. I wish to act on my sexual impulses towards her, but know that I cannot. I hate my life in the respect that I can do nothing.....

And now, I do not know what to do. I seriously do not feel that campus is safe anymore, and I seriously feel that there is no way in hell friendships can be maintained, seeing as how everyone we knew in the campu center is a mutual friend. They all seem to have taken her side, and have little love for me as friends. Don't know what to make of it....but it's not safe there.

Comments

[aris-tgd.livejournal.com]

Well, one of my concerns is that you constantly post about how much you wish you were back together with falconoflight in an open forum that she has on her lj friends page. Now, I don't know about her lj reading habits, but this strikes me as more passive-agressive than anything.

If you really want to convince her that you mean to change, you might want to start by not admitting to want to jump her in public. It comes across as highly stalker-esque behavior. Venting? Venting is fine. Venting is dandy. But because you're spilling your guts where she can read the signs, you're just coming across as manipulative and disingenuous.

Then again, you know her much better than I do. Perhaps I'm misreading things. But I believe it's something to consider.

[grendies.livejournal.com]

Just to make sure things are clear I am moving out here, I just need to choose an apartment and talk with Grand Master Kim about the Tae Kwon Do college in the San Jose area.

I should probably post something about all this in my LJ, I didn't get a chance to let many people know I would be off IMs for a month <.

[chaoswolf]

Though that still doesn't quite explain what she said to you during my fencing final. I was off fencing, I saw the two of you talking together, and you still haven't told me what she said to you.

*sigh*

[katt1028.livejournal.com]

As galtine1 and I told you yesterday....

Don't forget to to lock your "venting" and/ or certain feelings/ thoughts to those closest to you, so that you ond't offend and alienate those whom you may not want/ need to read what you post.

It can go a long way to keeping/ maintianing/ reparigin friendships...

vs...

posting anything and everything to the public/ everyone who may and do read what yo are posting.