chaoswolf

The first day of the trip consisted of a very quiet car ride, all things considered. Emmy & I didn't fight, I was listening to my music, and we didn't play the annoying word game.

Getting to con, I find out that the menu of the sports bar no longer contains fish & chips, so I have to settle for chicken strips & chips instead. Also, get drafted into ConSuite duty the instant I've picked up my badge. Had fun with the first run, but I had to wait in the loading bay for some people who didn't show up until much later than they said they would.

My thoughts still drift back slightly to

falconoflight, who I hadn't really focused on all day. I know in my heart I still love her, but after being told twice by her to "go to hell", I don't want to chance it again for a few quarters. I'd have to try involvement with

mad_libbs and

violet_fairie in order to get anywhere. I admit, I fucked up yesterday. I probably pissed her off to no end, and I seriously wasn't thinking. All I wanted to do was reconcile, try to make friends again on peaceful terms. I'm hoping that this all passes and we'll get back together, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm still emotionally fucked up from this, and I'm starting to have flashbacks to the LosCon where

mira_fastfire dumped me. I seriously don't know how much of this emotional pain I will be able to take, how long I can go without speaking to

falconoflight either online or at school. I've still got her phone number, I still have a couple of her SNs, and I'm trying very hard not to use them now. It's not easy, and I seriously don't know what to do. I'm still madly in love with her, but I'm afraid that if I try saying anything else to her that I will be told things much worse than "go to hell." Like her accusing me of stalking and filing police complaints, etc. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get repetitive, I know. I don't do this often, or at least I try not to.

I'm not going to bore you anymore with my talk of depression and angst, but I'm seriously in oblivion. I don't know what to do.