My Life Is Over.

[chaoswolf]

Happy b-day to tesstheredpony and akseawolf.

I wish I could say today was a happy day. No. Instead, I say that my life is over. Why do I say this? I was just told by falconoflight to "go to hell." No chance of reconciliation at all. No chance of possibly forgetting this whole thing. I should've given it more time, let it wait. I didn't. Instead....I blew it. And it hurts. She still has the other half of my soul. I can't get over her. I refuse to believe it's over forever in this lifetime. I wish to see this relationship restore, prosper, and last.

Kyrethia --- I hope you're happy. You have shattered my soul, you have destroyed me. I wish for reconciliation, a chance to possibly make peace, or a chance to make the relationship flourish. If you truly believed I dragged you into the present state you're in, my apologies. I seriously love you, dispite that I am mortally wounded by what you have just done. Whatever I've done, I am sorry. Whatever I can do to possibly get that chance, I will do it. I refuse to believe it's permanently over. --- Your brother in hell, Chythar.

Comments

Take a deep breath

[capplor.livejournal.com]

And I'll tell you a few things that might eventually help.

What "NO" means at this point cannot possibly be forever, because forever is a very, very, long time. What it means is "ABSOLUTELY NOT NOW AND LET ME INSTIGATE IT IF THERE IS TO BE A CHANGE". Nothing will ever change if you keep pushing her. Free people must be free to say "No". No matter how strongly you feel, this is not ONLY about your feelings, but hers as well.

If you can possibly say "OK, it's about what YOU want", then there might still be a chance to be friends or lovers (no matter what she says, but only if you mean it and at this point I'm NOT talking about mere weeks for it to happen). If you can't, then you are in the process of destroying what you seek to capture.

Understand: I'm reading what you write as "If I jump through the right hoops she HAS to love me". That's a common misconception, but that's not how love works. Nobody HAS to love anyone (with the possible exception of parents, and even some of them don't). Love is a gift, and gifts, by definition, are not owed to anyone. Nor is anything owed in return for a gift, no matter how generous. If there is an obligation, it is not a gift. You're trying to make YOUR love into an obligation, and that could turn real ugly, real fast.

Re: Take a deep breath

[katt1028.livejournal.com]

Chaos ~

I completely agree with capplor here.. and it is what I was trying to say in my own words, which capplor was so much more able to put to proper words.

It amazes me... I still remember when you were in a car seat ;-). No, I wouldn't consider myself an auntie.. however, a big sister, yes.

I will give you a big hug when you arrive down here this weekend.

Re: Take a deep breath

[chaoswolf]

I somehow get the feeling that even if I could somehow find it in myself to forgive her for what she's done, I still don't think she'll listen. I fucked it up, and she will not speak to me. I doubt by next quarter she'll be over it, and I'm doubting my ability to focus on the "now" because I still have that hope.....

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

No advice, just Honey, I'm Sorry.

[[[hugs]]] C'mon to the con this weekend anyway and let all your crazy aunties and uncles love at you.

[roaringmouse.livejournal.com]

Big hugs and quiches... I am sorry about your heartache... It will go away; but it will hurt for a while. Take it one minute at a time; NOT one day at a time.

Auntie Mouse has a story.

After my first love breakup, I threw myself into my school work. That semester was the best semester I had for grades. I also found other things to fill my time up. Luckily I was living in Washington, DC.. However, make time to go to the museums in San Jose or San Francisco... Find something through any of the clubs on campus. Get involve in something that will get your mind off the subject. It will work...

[thraxarious.livejournal.com]

Urf... love can really put you through the wringer.

I know it feels like your life is over, love can make you feeling really run over with nothing left, but life has its ups and downs. You'll make it, trust me.

You're really smart and witty, and you'll get by.

*hug*

[jilara.livejournal.com]

No less an expert than Lord Byron basically said that love sucks, but we can't do without it. But he said it more elegantly. But forever is long, and strange things have been known to happen in life... I've had a few like that, in my own lovelife.