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chaoswolfIt starts out as another day. Getting up, going to school. Going to class. Hitting on pretty lady again. Going to West Valley. It was when we got to West Valley, we ran into one of her ex's, and I started getting abnormally territorial. I am under the impression that was a mistake.
The aftermath: Once I get dropped off, she tells my mother that she basically needs to get her life back in order and that it isn't my fault. I talk to her once she comes back inside, and she tells me it's not my fault. She blames her mother. I blame her mother. I cannot...I refuse to believe it's over forever. I am going to hope that once the 6 month groundation is over that I have another chance. I hope I get a speedy yet positive response. I am madly in love with her, damnit! I accept the fact that I somehow fucked up and that possibly there is something wrong with me. I understand that I'm way too possessive of people with cars. I swear to all divinity in all pantheons that I will work on controlling my temper, curbing my emotions, and learn to move on. I love her...and I want her back. I do not know if I can reobtain that love.....I hope to...but....*sigh* If I can't, I must learn to move on. Hopefully, I can learn from this experience and become stronger. "There are different types of strengths,"![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sharyse told me. I just have to find mine.
I seriously want to hang education by the ears and leave, since it is obvious to me that I need a job & car. Especially since all I seem to have found @ that school is drama of the wrong kind and heartbreaking rejection. I have few friends there, it seems. I don't even know if she will want to remain friends after today. I just don't know anymore.
I love her. I'd die for her. I will wait, if that's what it will take. Now that she's gone, I start to wonder...Do I have a 2nd chance once the parent lightens her control? Do I have a 2nd chance with her ever? Is it possible she will get her life in order before her mom releases her leash and come back to me? So many questions. No answers. I am pissed. Heartbroken. Still alive.
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chaoswolf
Fuck the world.
The aftermath: Once I get dropped off, she tells my mother that she basically needs to get her life back in order and that it isn't my fault. I talk to her once she comes back inside, and she tells me it's not my fault. She blames her mother. I blame her mother. I cannot...I refuse to believe it's over forever. I am going to hope that once the 6 month groundation is over that I have another chance. I hope I get a speedy yet positive response. I am madly in love with her, damnit! I accept the fact that I somehow fucked up and that possibly there is something wrong with me. I understand that I'm way too possessive of people with cars. I swear to all divinity in all pantheons that I will work on controlling my temper, curbing my emotions, and learn to move on. I love her...and I want her back. I do not know if I can reobtain that love.....I hope to...but....*sigh* If I can't, I must learn to move on. Hopefully, I can learn from this experience and become stronger. "There are different types of strengths,"
sharyse told me. I just have to find mine.I seriously want to hang education by the ears and leave, since it is obvious to me that I need a job & car. Especially since all I seem to have found @ that school is drama of the wrong kind and heartbreaking rejection. I have few friends there, it seems. I don't even know if she will want to remain friends after today. I just don't know anymore.
I love her. I'd die for her. I will wait, if that's what it will take. Now that she's gone, I start to wonder...Do I have a 2nd chance once the parent lightens her control? Do I have a 2nd chance with her ever? Is it possible she will get her life in order before her mom releases her leash and come back to me? So many questions. No answers. I am pissed. Heartbroken. Still alive.
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chaoswolfFuck the world.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-17 04:20 pm (UTC)Oh, and you might want to read "Beren and Luthien" in The Silmarillion; it's what Tolkien started writing when he was in a similar situation to yours.