Damn.

[chaoswolf]

OK. Life's a bitch. Then you die.

Point A: Birth Kick Maximum Ass & Party lots Point B: Death

Yesterday, I found out that the Klodah necklace Mayhem gave me was broken. Today, I broke up with her. Coincidence? Probably not. I wish whoever created this year would kindly take it back. I thought somehow in the depths of my mind, there was a possibility of making everything work, and that we wouldn't lose some of the best fannish folks we had. I wasn't planning on my guitar's namesake to go to the hospital. I wasn't planning on trying to start a relationship with someone from my fencing class who is possibly looking at one of her own co-workers. I wasn't planning on anything to happen.

Still, I must look at life and not at my relationship patterns. Admittantly, lovers I found at cons (mira_fastfire, emp42ress, and asahoshi ended on notes that were not terribly pleasant, but are now at peace. Lovers I find at school (Mayhem, Anne Owen) seem to deteriorate over time. Contact is impossible, time schedules conflict, etc. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, shall we say. I decided that I was beginning to see Mayhem as more of a sisterly figure than as a lover. Had to go for a walk to absorb the possible consequences of my actions. Good news: There aren't any negative consequences. Bad news (or not, depending on how you look at it): To quote Austin Powers from the 2nd movie: "Wait a tick...that means I'm single again! Oh behave!"

As Uncle Phil said: "This means you can play the field."

Comments

[mira-fastfire.livejournal.com]

The last time I was single lasted for...uhm...four days? Maybe? It was over two years ago...

Still, I hear that being single isn't all bad.

In your place? I'd keep myself open to whatever stumbled my way, but wouldn't actively seek a relationship out. You still have a lot of healing and sorting to do, remember? Sometimes that's best done "alone."

Take care, 'kay?

[chaoswolf]

Healing and sorting comes easier for me now than it did when I was 13, believe me. Unfortunatly, old wounds reopen when I'm in the presence of an ex for extended periods of time, as was my case with you the last few LosCons. Not sure how to handle those injuries.

[mira-fastfire.livejournal.com]

Old wounds? Like..uhm...which? It may just be that they didn't heal on the inside yet. Like a really really deep cut, which heals on the outside, but takes forEVER to heal on the inside. Y'now?

I dunno. Babblebabble. -.-

[chaoswolf]

During the time when I don't see you, I'm okay. When I get to see you at cons, those feelings for you come back...and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it.