Losing it....

[chaoswolf]

Starting to lose it....bedlam....crazy....gah! Combination of boredom/depression. Not sure how severe it is, but I think it's pretty bad.

My relationship with Mayhem is questionable. I mean, I think there's still something there, but I don't know if she feels the same way towards me.

I love her dearly. This relationship was strengthened by being in her presence for a week. I'm not suprised, I mean..this usually happens with old friends. She loves me too, and has a local whom she's sexually active with. I mean, I don't mind drakk_draconian hanging around her & trying to take her mind off of her parents & so forth. I think it's good for her. I wish I had someone like that to prevent me from killing Emmy. It's tempting. More times than others, especially when she threw a fit about going to Sylvan Learning Center today after school.

And, now that I think about it...the fact that I no longer have much contact with Mayhem is starting to hurt me to the point of just calling it a breakup. I don't know if I'm clinically depressed, but I might be.

Did I forget to mention that the gamers in CA suck? I mean, not all of them. There were a few from my former LARP group who were nice people & good gamers. But....Mayhem & Phil are driving me crackers. Almost to the point of drinking. They start out by saying one thing & doing something else. And because my love for asahoshi has sorta taken me away from the gaming, they go off & do something else w/o me, trying to get me to join in a game that I know nothing about. Spazkat & Goose-Cat are sorta okay, I mean..they want to game about as badly as I do. Unfortunatly for me, they want to play StarGate. I can't play that game very well (or at all, even) because I don't understand enough about the system to do it. It should be the same as D20, but it's not. Anyways, the gamers are driving me to drinking. Ever since my Werewolf LARP gamer group STs (storytellers) started having problems with nobody contacting them, they quit doing it. I haven't seen any of the gamers from that group, except the former STs when they show up on Wed. Nobody else from that group keeps in touch with me, and they all live too far away from me to try & start up a new group. And every time I try to get a game group going @ school, I can never find enough people who are mature enough to be considered as gamers. It's bad. It's actually pathetic. Should I just stop gaming all together?

Here's a list of everything I want to do. In no particular order, no particular level of urgency.

• Get a job


• Get my driver's license


• Finish College (most likely)


• Try to find an apartment to share with asahoshi
  
• Wait for asahoshi to get out of high school


• Not kill my sister, dispite how annoying that little monkey can be


• Get a fucking job

Okay, so I repeated Get a job. Big deal. I know I need it. I know they are hard to come by in this state. I know they're hard to come by in this economy. Next best thing to do would be to try Safeway or AutoZone. Problem with AutoZone is I don't know jack shit about cars....

1. ...you start counting the number of times you've repeated storylines in an RPG.


2. ...you've listened to the same song on 1 album for 10 hours straight.


3. ...you're counting the minutes until you can see the one you truly love.


4. ...plotting doom is no longer entertaining you 24/7/365.


5. ...you can think of nothing better to do than count splotches of paint on your cieling.


6. ...you start thinking of how many different ways life is conspiring against you.


7. ...you start thinking of insults for certain people like those problem gamers


8. ...I start feeling depressed when I'm around gamers
9. 
   
10. ...I start listening to certain songs in my sleep

I think I'm done. Those are just all my nice little fucked up rants.

Comments

[mdlbear]

I keep trying to tell you, you'd have an easier time finding a job if you had some computer-programming skills.

You do have a lot of convention volunteer experience, which translates pretty well into office skills, so you should also consider secretarial-type work. You might check out a temp agency.

Gaming in California

[redrob.livejournal.com]

Not to be too much of a downer, but I've had no real luck with table-top RPG in California since my GM moved to SoCal in 96/97. I don't know what it is in the water, but it doesn't seem to come together, and I've given up looking.

I don't know LARP - not really my style at all, so I won't address it.

I know a lot of people are getting the RPG-jollies online - MUX, MUSH, MUCK, IRC, etc. My experience is that it's a pretty closed community, but I haven't really dug in. My one attempt apparently the game never took off, I was wandering around alone for a month or two and gave up. As I said, other people seem to do better with this, so it's a venue you might want to try.

If you're after the social elements, rather than the specifics of RPG, there are a lot of board-gaming clubs growing up all over the place. I've started attending the Oakland group again, there's at least two based in San Jose (unfortunately I think the more active one is Wed. nights), there's an SF group, San Ramon, Marin, and G*d knows where else. If you're interested, I'll try to steer you in the right direction. There's Yahoo groups for a lot of these.

While I doubt anyone will accuse me of being a Pollyanna, I hope this helps some. If nothing else, we can bitch with each other that there's nothing going on, right?

Alex

Re: Gaming in California

[chaoswolf]

Tried the online thing. Doesn't do much for me, I'm afraid. As for the LARPing, Live Action Role Playing is great fun, and I wish I had a group to do that with. Table top games are great when you have people who're willing to stay on topic. When they start being fucking screwballs, it hurts.

[jet-crush.livejournal.com]

hmm..i'm with you on 2,3,4,6,7,8 and 10. sad, no? -_-