(no subject)

Mixed emotions wrack my brain. I know somehow in my heart that I'm still feeling for falconoflight. I know that in order to fill that void, I need to move on. I know that I am feeling forkaradurzero and I am currently debating if another LDR (this time with grendies would be the right thing for me. I doubt it.

I still love Falcon. I wish we could have typical conversations about energy and such without feeling the detremental effects of discomfort whenever she's around. I wish I could say something or somehow show by my actions that I am not the creature I was when she dumped me. For whatever reason, she said things to grendies that he will not tell me because of the fact it may hurt. I've already been hurt by her enough, I've already felt the pain, and I am slowly moving on. I wish to know what she said to him, and I wish to know how I may somehow make it up to her.

I wish to know what it was I am still doing wrong to cause this discomfort. I wish to know why we cannot talk about school and such without having me in a state of discomfort. I wish to act on my sexual impulses towards her, but know that I cannot. I hate my life in the respect that I can do nothing.....

And now, I do not know what to do. I seriously do not feel that campus is safe anymore, and I seriously feel that there is no way in hell friendships can be maintained, seeing as how everyone we knew in the campu center is a mutual friend. They all seem to have taken her side, and have little love for me as friends. Don't know what to make of it....but it's not safe there.