Why is life so cruel?

Okay. Life is implicitly evil & I don't think it's fair. Nothing ever is, as I have countless # of times explained to my friends asahoshi & wolfshighpriest. However, this is starting to get on my nerves: just the fact that life has to seperate the fun from the daily insanity of mundane life. (Both of us are filkers, but that's not mundanity. The school every day is.)

Seems that every time I wish to talk to asahoshi, I am only able to do so for a limited amount of time before on of a few things happen: 1) She has to get off the phone because her Dad said so. 2) She has to get off the computer because her Dad said so. 3) She has something going on every Saturday night and there's nothing in hell I can do about it. Here's where this part really bites: I've been talking with her & such for about 2.5 years and have developed a crush on her, and vise versa. Problem is, she's all the way up in WA, so that's not very helpful. It also doesn't help that Consonance is in another week & she might not be going. Yes, it's true I'm dating Mayhem, but I love them both equally & don't see enough of Anarchy. Mayhem I can see, hold, touch, love, flirt with, etc. any day of the week. I can only do that with Anarchy for so long before I miss her & start getting depressed & shit. Now's one of those times where I'm all depressed because she's got a game tonight & there's nothing I can do about it. I will be lucky if she makes it to Consonance, and know damned well that she has something in ROTC or something like that on the day it starts.....and therefore won't be able to make it, which really bites because I'd have to wait until summer before I can see her again..I'm also afraid that I may never see her again.......

Now, back to the painful mundanity of reality that I live in: I'm in love with Mayhem immensly. The problem is not the fact I see her every day, but I feel like it hasn't been that long. It seems like one continuous day we're trapped in, because time never seems to move. I swear: I love her dearly and we've been too much time in each other's company. But whenever I'm alone, all I can do is get depressed & shit about my love for Anarchy, knowing that there's nothing in the name of Apocolypse I can do about it. Mayhem knows that the relationship between myself & asahoshi still exists as a social relationship, not so much as actual girlfriendness that I sleep with etc. with. Mayhem knows the intimate part of my relationship with asahoshi is over. What Mayhem is unaware of is the fact that this long distance relationship between myself & asahoshi has been going on for the same duration of time as my relationship with her.

Annoyance: Yay essays. Damn pieces of paper that don't make sense. They just have words written on them that don't make any sense to me at all, just to the person that reads them. I have one due Monday in Psych and another one (much easier, I think) due in ELIT next Thurs. In addition to an essay due March 15. I will write that one after Consonance because I am under too much stress to try & do 3 essays in 1 weekend.

Paining news I didn't want to hear: Toshiba. Company that made my nice sleek little camera, is closed until Monday, so I can't call them & bitch about why my camera doesn't work. So, I'm stuck using mdlbear's brick camera. Not that I'm offending your camera or anything, Dad. It takes pictures, but I hate it because it's bigger & heavier than my own.

Political BushShit: Stupid president thinks he can go ahead & treat us homosexuals like 2nd class citizens. Why does the movie But I'm a cheerleader! come to mind here??? It is so degrading & demoralizing to find out that your president is supporting a constitutional amendment to ban homosexual marriage. My favoraite highlight of the weekend must have been when Rosie O'Donnel stood on the SF City Hall steps w/ her wife & made a searing, moving speech against President @$$H0|e.

There have been times this year where I was so anti-social I didn't want to do anything. This is one of them. If I feel better @ any point tonight, I'll try & finish my psych essay. I wanna go shoot stuff, so I am going to play Fallout 2.